Observing From Afar
by DiehardJavaJunkie14
Summary: Lorelai's true thoughts as Rachel reenters the picture... Java Junkie challenge response, takes place in Season One.
1. Late Night Mallomars

**A/N: Another challenge response! Woo hoo! This challenge was presented by me. The challenge was to write a story that depicts how Lorelai is really feeling when Luke is with someone else. This takes place right after Rachel comes into the picture, in Season One. I don't own anything. Sad, I know. Read on, and review, please!**

When Lorelai said she was going to harbor animosity to anyone who said 'Hey, how's it going?' she wasn't intending to have to follow through on her comment. She'd actually intended it as a joke at first. But when she saw Rachel walk into the diner, her heart sank. She'd heard the Rachel and Luke saga. She knew they had a history… and she was aware that Luke had missed her, a lot.

Lorelai Gilmore was never one to share her innermost feelings with just anyone. She often whitewashed her disappointment or disapproval with humor, because it was the only way she knew how. If she didn't, she'd be blubbering on and on to anyone who'd listen. She had always been a little overemotional. She'd learned to do it at the disapproval of Emily, and she liked turning the negative around to be a positive.

It had been a few years since Lorelai first walked into Luke's diner. Stars Hollow legend has it that from the moment she sipped the coffee, her life wasn't the same… and she kept returning. In truth, Lorelai loved the coffee, yes, but she loved the man who made her coffee more.

She wouldn't think about telling anyone this. She felt slightly guilty for telling Rory, but if Rory knew, it might slip out to Lane, and Mrs. Kim, and then to Miss Patty and Babette. Her secret would be out. It would shatter the classic perception of Lorelai, the sweet, coffee-addicted chatterbox of a single mom that came to Stars Hollow with a baby on her hip, looking to make it in a world away from the oppression and resentment she felt in the Gilmore Household. And the strong and independent side of her that she presented to the outside world was the side she liked best. The sappy, secretly smitten Lorelai was a Lorelai she wasn't yet ready to share.

But the rollercoaster of emotions she felt upon Rachel's return weren't helping her hide the secret Lorelai. Lorelai by nature was a woman who was personable, witty, and a little flirtatious, and when Rachel came around, no one seemed to notice anything different. No one, that is, except Rory. Lorelai had been a little touchy lately, giving Rachel lots of glares and almost forcing herself to talk nicely of her and to her.

Three in the morning wasn't normally a time when Lorelai was even thinking of opening her eyes. But somehow she found herself on the couch, eating some late night mallomars and watching a sappy movie. She had to snap out of it, and wallowing was the only thing she could think of that would allow her to shake this Luke thing off and return to the normal Lorelai.

Rory would never contemplate getting out of bed this early, for any reason other than an emergency or the first snow of the season, but she heard noise coming from the living room, and decided to investigate.

"Mom?" Rory asked.

Lorelai jumped. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, trying to hide any evidence of tears, and turned to her daughter. "Hey, sweets, what are you doing up? Oh, did I wake you?"

Rory grabbed the remote and turned off the television. "Spill," she demanded, taking a seat next to Lorelai on the couch.

Lorelai shook her head. "It's nothing, sweets, I'm just… a little emotional tonight. It's just PMS. See? Mommy's just going to eat her Mallomars and all will be well."

"Mom, it's not just PMS. Please tell me what's wrong?" Rory asked.

Lorelai put the box of Mallomars down on the coffee table. She turned to face Rory, whose genuine concern was appreciated. "Well, hun, I… have to tell you something. It's going to sound really, really stupid. But I know you won't think it's stupid, because you're you, and uh… I don't know, this isn't me. Forget it. Lorelai's happy, the world's happy, I love you, and good night."

"Mom?"

Lorelai took a deep breath, conceding to Rory's power over her. "Fine. You know how everyone's been talking about Rachel?"

Rory nodded. "Of course, it's all anyone can talk about. Why?"

"Well, uh, it's just… kind of weird for me to admit this to someone… I'm kind of upset she decided to come back to Stars Hollow," Lorelai admitted.

"Why's that?" Rory asked. "I thought you liked her."

Lorelai took another deep breath, giggling because of the awkward situation. "Promise not to tell anyone?"

"I swear… what is it?"

"I think I like Luke. Okay, scratch that, I have liked Luke. For… awhile now," Lorelai admitted.

Rory smiled. "That's it?"

Lorelai nodded. "Why are you smiling? You're supposed to help me be rational here. Max is who I'm supposed to be thinking about right now, not Luke!"

"Mom. Come on. I see how you two look at each other every day. I've always wondered how long you'd go without telling me. Although you didn't need to tell me, Master of the Obvious, it was pretty self explanatory. You should tell Luke!" Rory raved. Once Rory had an idea in her head, it was impossible to stop hearing about it until she'd moved on. It was becoming clear that Rory wasn't moving on anytime soon.

Lorelai shook her head. "I can't, really, because you know what happens when Luke and Lorelai have a fight. Alternate routes, crappy coffee, and hunger pains ensue. And that, my friend, is Armageddon for the Gilmore House. It's not prudent."

"Armageddon?"

"You get my point. I don't want to starve my beautiful Harvard-bound offspring. That would be bad. It's the Golden Rule, Rory, if I don't want to starve or have bad coffee, why would I do that to my wonderful daughter?"

Rory rolled her eyes. "It's not about the coffee or the burgers, or the alternate routes. I know you well enough to know that. It's all about you… and you're getting nervous that Rachel is here permanently and that Luke will fall in love again. I suggest you let him know."

Lorelai sighed. "Is there a 'Rory is always right' magnet on the fridge? Because somehow, I can't argue with you, you always outsmart me!"

"It's why Chilton loves me so much," Rory teased. "But you are going to do it, right? Tell Luke?"

"Ah, sure, I'll pick a day that's good for both of us. Let me check my planner."

Rory shook her head. "No, Mom, you're doing it tomorrow. This pining stuff is not fun for anyone!"

"What if I enjoy observing from afar? I wouldn't consider it pining," Lorelai insisted.

"It's pining. You're telling him tomorrow, if it's the last thing you do. Got it?" Rory demanded, pointing to Lorelai and shaking her finger.

Lorelai sighed. "Fine. Fine. I'll… tell him."

Rory smiled. "Imagine Luke's coffee, here, in the kitchen!"

"First of all, your imagination is getting the best of you. I should never have played all those pretending games with you when you were little," Lorelai joked, "And second? Who's to say things will work out?"

"Think about what you're going to say… good night, Mom," Rory said, walking back to her room.

Lorelai put her chin in her hands. And the observing from afar had worked so well!


	2. Denial

The next morning, after Rory was off at school, Lorelai walked into the diner as though nothing had happened the night before. She'd become an expert in denial by now, living with Emily and Richard. It was also engrained in her personality. She didn't know why.

"Good morning, sunshine!" she teased Luke.

Luke didn't look up from his work. "Don't call me that," he stated plainly.

"But your disposition just calls for such a nickname! Coffee please?" Lorelai asked.

Luke put down his ordering pad. "To go?" he asked, trying to sway her answer.

Shaking her head, Lorelai took off her jacket. "For here, of course! I'd like to think that I can start my morning off right, you know?"

"What's with you this morning, did someone up your dose of happy pills?" Luke grunted.

"Well," Lorelai said, banging against the counter with her index fingers, "not really. See, I had a crappy night last night, so I'm attempting to make today better. And it starts here. You wouldn't want to be the cause of my bad day, would you now?"

Luke simply rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen. Lorelai watched as he pretended to be bothered by her presence. She'd always known her visits were appreciated, but she wasn't sure if he felt the same way about her as she did for him. When Luke emerged from the kitchen, Lorelai decided to just jump right in and get an idea about how Luke was feeling.

"Just out of curiosity, why do you do this to yourself?" she asked.

"Do what to myself?" Luke replied, not looking up from the cash register.

Lorelai giggled. "That could have been sooo dirty if I hadn't intended the question to mean something else. Why do you let Rachel break your heart every time she comes gallivanting back to town?"

Luke was stunned at the sudden shift in her tone. She had been cheery and sarcastic one moment, but the next, she was questioning his relationship with Rachel. She was a confusing woman. "What are you talking about?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Well, you're getting close to her again, and I … just don't want to see you upset, you know? You're my friend, and I care about how you're feeling. So I wouldn't want to see you heartbroken, because from what I've heard, you didn't take her leaving so well. I can't just sit and watch you get hurt like that again."

"I'm fine, Lorelai."

"Well, you don't sound fine, okay? I was concerned about you, Luke, and I just want to make sure you knew I was looking out for you," she said quietly.

Luke shook his head. "Well, I'm fine," he muttered, re-entering the kitchen.

"Sounds like denial if I've ever heard it. If I had a denial detector, it would be beeping. Loud. And if I had denial sniffing dogs, they'd be biting your leg!"

Lorelai debated whether or not to follow him. The kitchen was his 'man territory'. She waited for him to come back out, tracing the rim of her coffee mug. When he came back out, she couldn't help but stare at him. He wiped down the counters, and served three customers before he finally noticed her stare.

"Why are you staring at me?" Luke finally asked, annoyed that she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

She shrugged. "I still think that you're making a mistake here," she said.

Luke put down the dish rag. "You know, I don't know what's gotten into you lately."

Lorelai scrunched her nose. "What the heck…"

Luke took a deep breath, and Lorelai saw the rant coming. She could almost smell it as Luke's vein in his neck began to pop out. She knew what he'd say, too. He'd tell her she had no right poking in his love life, and to leave him and Rachel alone. Maybe there'd be some expletives. She was betting not too many, because there were other customers in the diner.

"You feel the need to critique my love life. Why? I don't get it. You have your own life. You seem to be doing just fine in that department, so why do you feel like you're the person who should drop their opinion wherever they feel it should be given. But, I don't think you understand, it's MY life. Why do you keep judging it?" Luke demanded to know.

Lorelai took a deep breath. "Luke, I think…"

Luke completely ignored her and continued. "You know, you just don't get it? Apparently you still can't tell what's your business and what's not. Maybe you need a hobby. Because this butting into my love life is getting aggravating. If I wanted you to be 'Dear Abby' I'd ask you, not like that would ever, ever happen. Do you know that?"

"Luke." Lorelai interrupted, trying to get his attention and calm him down.

"And the funny thing is? You'd brainwash me to tell you what's going on if you didn't try and find out yourself. What is it with women and trying to know everything? Why do they feel like it's their… job, to try and learn things about each other, about guys, and about relationships? I'm still wondering. Do you realize that men have no privacy?" Luke continued.

"LUKE!" Lorelai shouted.

Her shout finally caught his attention. "What?"

"Luke, I… I don't want you to date Rachel."

Luke shook his head. "Well, you've made THAT perfectly clear."

"No, no," Lorelai said, trying to calm him down. "I have a good reason."

Luke calmed down as well. "Why can't I date Rachel?"

"Besides the fact that she'll just up and leave again, and your heart will be broken?"

Luke sighed. "You've made that abundantly clear."

Lorelai didn't waste a second. She opened her mouth, and before she knew it, the words were spilling out of her mouth. "Because… because I… gah, I love you, Luke!"

Luke stood, unable to form words in response to what she had just said. Lorelai sat at the counter, unable to believe that the words came out. As they both stood, in denial of what had happened, Kirk ran out of the diner, presumably to tell the world about Lorelai's confession.

"You what?"

Lorelai took a deep breath. "I love you, Luke."


	3. Start at the Beginning

Luke still couldn't figure out how to feel. Should he be happy? He wasn't really sure what this meant for him and Lorelai, him and Rachel. It all just came at him so fast. One minute, he'd been ranting at her, and the next he got what he'd wanted since the day he met her.

Lorelai sat with a similar feeling in her stomach. Should she continue talking and avoid thinking about the stares she could feel on the back of her neck? Or should she just leave the diner, and wait for Luke to answer when he felt more comfortable? It was all a blur to Lorelai.

"Luke?" she finally asked.

Luke looked at her. "Yeah?"

"Just making sure you didn't go Silas Marner on me, getting in some catatonic state, that you heard… me," Lorelai confirmed. "Because that would be really bad, you know, you not knowing what I said to you… and then I'd have to say it again…"

Luke took Lorelai's hand and brought her upstairs. Being up there immediately reminded Lorelai of Rachel. Would that always happen? She shuddered at the thought, after confessing that she loved him, he brought her up to his apartment. Was this a good thing? Was it a bad thing?

Meanwhile, the town was still downstairs, chatting about what had just happened. "What do you think they're doing up there?" Kirk asked.

Babette laughed. "C'mon, Kirk, we all know what they're doin' up there!"

"We sure do," Miss Patty said with a laugh.

Kirk turned red in frustration. "Come on, you guys, I don't know what you mean!"

"Kirk, they're..."

Kirk's mental lightbulb suddenly went off. "And this is an eating establishment! That's disgusting and unsanitary! If I'd have gotten the job as the Town Health Inspector, I'd have written him up just now."

But what the town was thinking wasn't very accurate. Luke and Lorelai sat on his couch, Lorelai waiting for an answer. Luke was trying to come up with a good enough response to her statement. He took a deep breath. "I love you, too. I just... didn't want to say it in front of everyone, you know, get questioned right away. I wanted to give us a second to think about what just happened."

"Phew. That makes things a little easier, here, doesn't it?" she said with a smile.

He leaned in and kissed her. When Lorelai pulled away, Luke was somewhat surprised. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"I really don't want to take things too quickly here. I mean, we both just disregarded our current… involvements, and I don't want to rush. I have these feelings for you and I want to make sure that this happens the right way," Lorelai insisted.

Luke nodded. "I know what you mean. I… I've just, wanted it for so long, it's good to finally have it."

Lorelai smiled, putting her head down. "You've wanted this for a long time?" she asked, wringing her hands together, feeling like a teenager on her first date.

"Since you walked into the diner that day," Luke confirmed.

Lorelai looked up at him. She looked into his eyes, and something told her that he was telling her the truth, and he wanted it as much as she did.

"Every time you were with someone else, I just thought… why not me?" Luke admitted.

She took his hand. "I thought I was completely nuts, having these feelings for you… I should have been feeling them for other people… but when Rachel came into the picture they got so much more intense, I don't know why. I've never been the jealous type."

"Neither have I," Luke admitted. "Okay, well, a little."

Lorelai put her head on Luke's shoulder. "So I guess we were both watching each other from afar, huh? Wishing we could be the person that the other was with," she mused.

"I guess so," he said.

"What are you going to tell Rachel?" she asked.

Luke sighed. "The truth," he replied.

"It usually is easier that way," Lorelai added.

Luke turned the question around. "What are you going to tell Max?"

Lorelai sighed. "That I am running off to Mexico with Antonio Banderas, and I will learn Spanish and become a flamenco dancer?"

"Huh?" Luke asked.

Lorelai shook her head. "I'm going to tell him the truth, too."

"So where do we start?" Luke asked.

Lorelai sat up. "Let's start… at the beginning. It's a very good place to start. When you read…"

"Jeez, Lorelai, 'The Sound of Music'?"

Lorelai's eyes widened. "You know MUSICALS?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't, at least not on purpose. My mom used to put the records of the musicals on, and it used to drive me and my dad crazy."

"I could insert a Britney Spears song here, but I'll save you the pain," she said, leaning against his shoulder once again.

"This won't happen often, so I'd better enjoy it, huh?"

Lorelai looked at Luke. "No, I'll be hanging all over you, in public."

Luke rolled his eyes. "You won't, and no, I meant the giving in thing, saving me the pain."

Giggling, Lorelai shook her head. "You know me very well. I guess me watching you and you watching me thing may have gotten a little stalker-ish."

"Ah, jeez," Luke replied. "Stalker-ish? That's how you define…"

Lorelai leaned in and kissed Luke before he could get the rest of his sentence out. "I like this better than stalking you, anyway," she teased.

_The End_


End file.
